Falling Down

{Another way my meditation practice is serving me}

Today, I fell while putting props away after yin yoga. I'm fine. I fell backwards into a pile of bolsters, so I had a comfy landing.

I was a bit agitated afterwards and my mind was kind of spinning about being so off balance all the time, and what does this say about my brain health, and what if I hadn't landed in the bolsters, and basically extrapolating out into worst case scenarios all around.

And then I took a breath and came back to *now* and realized that the only thing it meant was that I fell - and I am fine. Period. The end.

In this moment all is well. In this moment is where I live.

Anything that needs to get dealt in the future with will get dealt with in *that* moment.

This moment is enough.

Grateful for meditation.

Enough

You. Right now. As you are in *this* moment.

Are enough.

More than enough.

Brilliant. Worthy of celebration.

Fucking fabulous.

Don't let them make you think you need to change a damn thing.

You are a unique configuration of The Divine that has never been seen before and will never exist again.

BAM!!!!!

BAM!!!!!

Soak in *that* knowing.

And rock on with your amazing self.

Finding your voice

I've been thinking a lot lately about finding my voice - like literally figuring out what I want to say, how to describe my work, and how to show up in general.

Facebook is fabulous for connection and collaboration and being exposed to new and different ways of thinking about the world. I love it for many reasons and I have no plans to leave.

I appreciate reading the cultural critiques and pointed discussions initiated by folks I admire and respect. Even when they are uncomfortable they stir something in me. They can often help me to learn and grow.

Except when they don't.

Sometimes the ever-present flow of opinions and directives, instead of enriching me, makes my head spin and dampens my heart. I lose myself and my center in the midst of so-and-so's "good point" and so-and-so's "oh, I hadn't considered that".

So much smart analysis. So much to consider

I find myself choking off my flow, holding back my good work in the world because I can't integrate it all perfectly, can't be all things to all people, and don't want to offend someone, or forget some key piece I should be considering in the light of the barrage of very good information (not to mention the "worthy of expression, but not the final word" opinions) inhabiting my brain thanks to social media.

I start to wonder who *I* am in the midst of all of it. I start to judge myself on external criteria and trends instead of coming back to the core of who I am. And I am paralyzed.

And then I am no good to anyone.

I can't be all things to all people. None of us can.

And that's not an excuse to just ignore real issues and be an ass. Not at all.

But our best work will be done from the clarity of our own voice and our own experience, so we need to be able to be solidly grounded in *that*. We have to know and honor who we are outside of the expectations of others.

So, the question for all of us is, how do we keep coming back to center? How do we even know what we really think, who we really are in the midst of the barrage of expectations of The Other (who is also us, as we are All One)?

This has always been at the heart of my work - everything I have done. Holding compassionate and wide-open space for a beautiful being as their voice emerges with clarity and beauty absolutely lights my soul. Every time.

And I am still grappling with it myself.

No easy answers. Just understanding and support for the journey. I'm here if this resonates with you and you're in search of your true voice.

What if?

What if the challenge you are facing contains the seeds of who you are capable of becoming? How would that shift your mindset?

It doesn't mean you have to like it.

It doesn't mean it won't bring you to your knees now and again. And again. And again.

But what if it is the fire that is tempering you, making you stronger and softer and more surrendered to who you truly are?

Laughing at myself

I'm kinda laughing at myself in this moment.

I keep getting these deep urges to write, or create video, or shout from the rooftops about our inherent brilliance, our connection to everpresent magic, our internal guidance that has been warped by school and society and ridiculous expectations, and my wish for us to let go of the internal and external shackles that hold us back - so that we can soar.

I want to rant like a freaking evangelist! I want to shake you and wake you and make you see your Light.

And then I realize that'd be just more external programming. You don't need me to tell you anything.

But maybe a reminder would be helpful, you know...

And then I realize that I'm still shackled enough that shouting about brilliance and Divinity and breaking free and systems that fuck us up and....and...and...feels a little past my comfort zone.

But that's where the real stuff is, right!? Past the comfort zone...

You are a freaking incredible bundle of possibility and magic and sacredness and light and beauty and wackiness. You are here to do much more than we are led to believe is acceptable.

What you are here to do might be big and public and "world-changing". What you are here to do might be to live as an example of someone who does it *her* way - quietly and without fanfare.

There is no standard you have to live up to. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. It doesn't matter what grades you get.

Stop playing by their rules.

What matters is that you get to be YOU.

My wish for you

I want to stand before you and remind you of the Radiant Truth of who you are.

I want us to face each other, our feet planted firmly on the ground, golden roots extending deep into the Earth as we stand in the Knowing.

I want our Hearts to connect with golden threads and whisper, speak, shout Love.

I yearn to place my forehead upon yours and breathe softly until the spark, flame, blazing fire of your Brilliance can no longer be ignored.

Everything you seek is already within you.

Truth

This is me, taking your sweet face into my hands, looking deeply and directly into your eyes and asking, "Do you have *any* idea who you really are?"

You are brilliance beyond belief.

You are holy beyond measure.

You are Love, Beauty, Truth, Radiance, Possibility, and Life.

You are shaped by your circumstances but NEVER diminished by them.

You are it ALL.

Everything good resides within you. Everything.

Keep shining.

Dancing with illness

Dancing with illness is quite the journey.

While I am doing everything I feel guided to do to "get better", I am realizing that there is a value in the dance, in experiencing Life through this lens, in making space for navigating my unique journey with this unique challenge.

I've spent 6+ years trying to "get better", all the while resisting and pushing away this experience. Unconsciously telling myself that all sorts of things will happen "once I get better" - things like "loving myself" and "being worthy".

What a mind fuck!

Nope. Dropping that like a hot potato.

I'm finally getting an inkling of what it might look like to surrender and *be* with it. Not give up. Not resign myself. Rather to see it as a dance partner and be a part of the dance.

I'm still on the path to realizing the Truth of my physical perfection. I know it can all shift and change. It is happening even now.

And I am willing to be done chasing after it like some Holy Grail.

I *am* the Holy Grail. These challenges are the Holy Grail.

No need for anything to shift. And plenty of space for everything to shift...

Do you know who you are?

Take a moment to come back to center.

::waits a moment::

Do you know who you are?

Do you know who you are?

Do you *know* who you are?

You are not this body. You are not these "problems". You are not the whirling narrative in your head.

You are everything Beauty, everything Love, everything Ease, everything Light, everything Sacred, everything Bright and Possible and Creative.

You are the energy that creates worlds.

You. You are the energy that creates worlds.

You. You. YOU! You are the energy that creates worlds.

You contain it all.

And you cannot possibly contain it.

It is spilling, ooooooozing, radiating out from every one of your cells.

You are the light that lights up the world.

SHINE!

You Are A Master

I had an experience today that surprised me and I wanted to share it with you.

During Kundalini yoga class we were asked to hold a posture for 8 minutes.

It wasn't a particularly difficult posture - we were seated on the floor, had one hand over our head and one in front of the heart, each in a certain mudra.

About 2 minutes in I began to feel tired and weak in my upper arm. I considered bringing that arm down to rest. I told myself it would be okay since I have some physical challenges and often need to make modifications.

But I kept going.

A few minutes later I was *really* ready to be done. I couldn't imagine holding the posture for another second. I knew there would be no shame in taking a tiny break.

Just then the teacher said to all of us "You are a master. Find that knowing inside you and keep going."

In that moment something clicked in. The tired, shaking, weak parts of my body were now filled with a strength and a knowing and a new power that was palpable - and I was able to continue for the entire length of the pose.

And even hours later I am changed from the experience.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Everything I offer is a reflection of my knowing that we contain all that we need inside ourselves. But for me that often translates to intuition, ideas, guidance - more mental and energetic processes.

This experience of embodying it all physically? It's pretty new to me.

But it is an experience I will keep coming back to. And I wanted to share it with you

You are a Master.

You are wiser, stronger, and more capable than you give yourself credit for.

I see your brilliance. 

I invite you to let go of your stories of smallness.

You are a Master.

And this doesn't have to translate into "I can do all the things right now!!" It doesn't mean strong arming yourself into doing something you know isn't in your highest good.

It might mean you have more strength to move through an illness than you previously believed to be true.

It might mean that you can trust yourself to follow through where you haven't before.

It might mean that you have the patience to surrender to Divine Timing, even when you're sure you cannot stand another second of ___________.

You are a Master.

I see your True Nature.

Locus of Responsibility

I invite you to notice the degree to which you are giving away your power by assuming someone else can, will, or must do something before you can feel better. I invite you to bring the locus of responsibility right back into your center where it belongs.

This morning I experienced a palpable shift in my locus of responsibility. I had a sudden insight related to how I've been handling some health issues. I realized that I was gathering helpers and, in effect, giving them the responsibility to diagnose and cure me.

I realized that I was seeing myself at their mercy.

"Well, I hope so-and-so finds me an answer so that I can feel better, otherwise I don't really know what to do."

It felt as if I was floating around hoping some external force would bump me back into alignment.

And when I shifted to seeing myself as the center of the circle, radiating my power and responsibility, I felt filled with hope and possibility.

That doesn't mean I have all the answers, or that I don't need help. It does mean that I am the center through which those things will flow. My power and presence are necessary. I am not merely a wimpy blob hoping someone will swoop in and fix me.

This also does not diminish the work I have been doing all along. This does not mean I haven't been a very pro-active participant in my process. Quite the opposite, in fact.

What it does mean is that I have been brought back to my rightful place in the equation. I am reinstating myself on the Throne of my healing. I am taking back my power and acknowledging the massive influence I wield in the process.

And while this insight was personal and about physical healing, I can see how it speaks also to what is happening in the world and why it is so important for us to keep coming back to our Light and our Power.

Reclaim your locus of responsibility. No one else can make it better for you.

Divine Possibility

Here is a possibility to ponder: Could this moment in time be a rocket booster to transformation, rather than a mistake or a tragedy?

Might everything that is unfolding be a signal or an invitation for us to step more powerfully, more consciously, more decidedly into the Truth of our Divine Radiance?

Might you be, even now, being guided to embrace and embody and activate those Divine qualities that have been calling to you, but that you have been ignoring, even actively resisting?

Might this be an invitation to Shine the God Light that you are so that the collective can see the way forward?

Message Received

I was exhausted by the time we went to bed last night. I had even fallen asleep on the couch beforehand. I fully expected to zonk out immediately.

What actually happened was that I got comfy and put in my earplugs - and then heard my own voice in my head speaking the message I assume was meant for today's call with my peeps in my FB group. It went on for quite some time, even though I was bargaining with <whoever> to please let me sleep and bring me the words *during* the call.

When I was telling this story to Michael this morning I ended with "Maybe the downloads could happen during the day instead! Right!?"

I immediately got the message - "Um, yeah, if you'd stop filling your mind with stuff during the day, it wouldn't have to wait for bedtime."

Well played, <whoever>. Well played.

The MAGIC of YES

As we welcome in 2017 I am writing today to invite you to begin playing with saying "YES!" in your life.

Say yes to what you love. Say yes to what makes your heart soar. Say yes to what feels scary and impossible. Say yes to the unknown and undefined.

Speaking a true YES is a powerful act. When we commit fully The Divine meets us where we are and offers opportunities and support to help us move along the path.

“Maybe”, “If only”, and “We’ll see” don’t have the same level of devotion and power as simply making a choice and saying YES to what you are truly wanting.

Speaking the word “yes” from a place of an open and aligned heart is like speaking a Magic word. That’s why I am inviting you to sort through the jumble of possibilities and decide which one(s) to say YES to.

Here's an experiment for you:

Bring to mind something that you’ve been denying yourself or just not fully embracing. It might be something simple like a favorite food or as deep as forgiving yourself for a perceived fault. Make sure to choose something that you are truly desiring and really willing to give yourself in this moment.

Once you have that thing in mind, speak the word YES as you give yourself permission to allow yourself the pleasure of having it. Notice how your body and your energy react to saying YES from this place of alignment. What shifts with YES?

You might also try playing with these writing prompts and see what bubbles up:

I would love to say YES to…
The best YES I ever spoke was when…
I’ve been afraid to say YES to…
I haven’t mentioned yet that I *really* want to say YES to...

Speak what needs to be spoken

One thing that is becoming crystal clear to me as the result of being back at work with incredible clients is the power and importance of speaking our truth - of letting what needs to be spoken flow from our lips, rather than swallowing the words in an attempt to keep the peace or stay small and safe or whatever reasons we use to justify bottling up our truth.

The potentials and possibilities that are unleashed when we make space for the unspoken truths to be spoken are undeniable.

I see it in my work every single time - a beautiful soul unburdens herself of the words and ideas that have been bubbling inside and suddenly she is lighter, she is inspired, she has a newfound clarity that can feed profound discoveries and forward motion.

Speaking your truth is powerful.

In this political climate, speaking truth is going to be required of each of us.

I encourage you to experiment with letting your voice be heard in whatever format and context makes sense. Heck, send me an email with the things you need to say if that feels right and good to you. Just find a way to speak your truth.

The world needs your voice.

The Truth

I keep getting pinged to share this, so maybe someone else needs to read it.

I've had weird health crud going on for 6+ years. It's taken various forms, like a shapeshifter. It's meant that I haven't always been able to be a full partner in housework and making money - and it has been expensive to access the therapies that have been helping. And I've needed extra help with a lot of things.

This has sometimes led to my feeling a deep guilt and shame for what I have perceived as "being a burden" to my husband. This line of thinking can take me down in a split second. (Note: He has been my biggest cheerleader and a brilliant support to me.)

And the other day I had a very clear and potent download during a deep meditation. I suddenly *knew* a different truth. In that moment I KNEW in my bones that I was helping Michael on a very deep level, a spirit/soul level. I started laughing so hard I almost couldn't speak because this truth was so visceral and it changed EVERYTHING. I'm not a burden. I'm not taking more than I give. In TRUTH I am giving more than I can really understand.

So, I guess this is a reminder that we can view things from many vantage points and what seems like a burden from one point of view may actually be a great blessing when seen from another level.

Dancing

Walking has been interesting lately. It doesn't always happen easily, mindlessly, or smoothly. It takes some conscious thought and can be clunky.

Dancing, on the other hand, when I give in to it, feels exhilarating and free and joyous. I realized this just today when I finally said YES to the call to dance that my Heart has been sending me for a very long time.

So, this evening as I was walking back to the car after shopping I was getting frustrated by the clunky and uncoordinated movements of my body, so I tried something new. I decided that instead of walking to the car, I was *dancing* to the car.

Muscles relaxed. Steps got easier. The ease and flow increased noticeably.

I probably didn't *look* like I was dancing on the outside, but my brain believed I was dancing and played along. It felt like a whole new me.

I wonder where else in my life I could dance instead of walking. Naming has quite a power...